Bum Table – 2017 Chicago Bears Season Grades

The 2017 Chicago Bears season has (Mercifully) come to an end… Time for the Bums to break down this team and give our report card. 

Give us a letter grade for the Offense 

HBIC: Big fat F. Besides Howard and Cohen, we didn’t have any offense. All our WRs either couldn’t stay healthy or belonged in the CFL. Glennon was hot garbage. And Mitch showed he’s a rookie QB who only had 12 starts under his belt. The O-line was average. Leno Jr doesn’t belong as a starter and Long needed a season to get healthy. But when you’re 30th in the league in total offense, there isn’t much to brag about. 

Bologna: The Bears get a Catholic school U. For some reason my grade school gave out U’s instead of F’s. They meant unsatisfactory and that’s exactly what Dowell Loggains offense was. Unsatisfactory. Boring. Predictable. Unbalanced. Non-threatening. Un-fucking-satisfactory. 

Give us a letter grade for the Defense 

HBIC: Defense gets a solid B in my opinion. This unit could have been a top 5 if they could have stayed healthy all season. We saw that the starters could perform but their depth was seriously lacking. Bears were 9th in the league in points allowed and 7th in a league against the pass. Not too shabby. Eddie Jackson looks like the Safety we have been missing since Mike Brown. Hicks is a beast on the line. Trevathan looks like a great FA signing. And Kyle Fuller is gonna get PAID this off-season. Bears just need to focus on adding quality depth to prevent any fall off due to injuries. 

Bologna: B-. HBIC hit the nail on the head. If the Bears D could’ve stayed healthy they would be flirting with a B+ or A. I also think they suffered greatly from the offense’s inability to sustain drives. When healthy and fresh this Bears D we’re flying around, wreaking havoc, and were goddamn fun to watch. The Defense was the only thing I’ll give John Fox credit for. He had them ready to play more often than not.  

Give us a letter grade for the Special Teams

HBIC: D+ While the Kicking game made me Barth (pun intended), watching Cohen return punts made things exciting again. Bears seriously need to focus on a solid veteran kicker after releasing Robbie Gould which proved to be a dumb fuck move. 

Bologna: Whats worse than an F or U? I give the special teams a poop emoji. The kicking game was flat out atrocious. My low-light of the season also has something to do with the Special Teams so I’ll touch on that a bit more in a second. 

Give us a letter grade for the Coaching Staff

HBIC: If giving a F- is possible then thats my grade. Fox proved he had no clue on how to improve performance, let alone win a challenge. Loggins’ play calling was baffling at times. Vic Fangio proved again to be a solid DC, but Fox and Loggins dragged him down with them. I seriously thought Fox should have gotten fired after challenging that Benny Cummingham pylon fumble. And Loggins shied away from the run way too often. I hope Fangio has a place on the next Bears coaching staff. But happy the rest of the bums will be gone. 

Bologna: D+. honestly if it weren’t for Vic Fangio I’d be failing this coaching staff miserably. Fox was flat out mailing it in at some points and I’m not convinced Dowell Loggins knows what a vertical pass is. We definitely have to give Fangio credit though. That D can flat out play and he get’s the most out of his defensive players. 

What was your Bears Highlight & Lowlight from 2017?

HBIC: I would say my highlight was watching the Bears beat the Panthers, Ravens, and Steelers. Anytime you can beat 2 playoff teams decisively is a good thing. My low light was def the John Fox endzone fumble challenge. As you can see from my tweet: 


Bologna: Highlight: The Steelers win. At that point the Bears moved to 1-2 but could’ve easily been 2-1. If you remember they played the Falcons tough week 1 and were a play away from winning that game. After the Pittsburgh game I thought “We should be 2-1 with two wins against playoff teams. Maybe we’re not that bad.” I was wrong

Low-light: Robbie Gould single-handedly pushing the Bears shit in. He fucked them raw and hard. Good for Robbie. Bad for everyone else. That San Francisco game made everyone look bad. Players. Coaches. Front office. Remember when we had Robbie? Good times. 

As of January 2, 2018, do you believe in Ryan Pace?

HBIC: Yea I do. Look, he got stuck with John Fox when he joined the Bears. We all know Fox probably wasn’t his first or second choice as HC. He really wants to replicate the Sean Payton/Drew Brees combo in Chicago. Yea most of his free agents signings have been a bust (Expect Hicks & Trevathan) but you don’t win through free agency. You win through the draft. And Pace’s drafting has been much better. Howard. Trubisky. Eddie Jackson. Eddie Goldman. Cody Whitehair. All young guys we can build around. I’ll give him a few more years to see what he can do. 

Bologna: I honestly don’t know if I do. I’m leaning yes but I’m still unsure. He’s had his up’s and downs but ultimately it doesn’t matter if I trust him or not. It matters if Ted Phillips and George McCaskey trust him. Unfortunately it seems like they don’t.

Even with this new extension they gave him. Reports have been coming out that they will accompany Pace on the coaching interviews. Honestly, that drives me up a fucking wall. Let Pace do his job. You two Bozo’s have fucked this up enough times already. Not only that, but it severely undermines Ryan Pace. Any potential coach will see how Ted and George handle Pace with kid gloves and it sends a bad message. If you hired him to be a general manager for gods sake let him manage without you meddling and sticking your fucking fat noses where they don’t belong. If you want to vet his candidates fine. But don’t follow him into interviews like a parent following their kid on the first day of school. EMBARRASSING!!! 

Who do you want as the Bears next Head Coach?

HBIC: I’d really want Josh McDaniels or Pat Shurmur. I have a feeling McDaniels wants more control of the roster than Pace will be willing to give up. I also think he wants to go where there is an established QB already like Indy or Detroit. I think Pat Shurmur would be good. It weakens your division rivals the Vikings, and he made Case Keenum look like a fringe Pro-bowler. Plus lets not forget he won 9 games with Cleveland. That’s like 5 seasons worth of wins since him. 

Bologna: Agree on both McDaniels or Shurmur. That’s options 1a and 1b in my opinion. However, I know we have to focus on the offense. But I wouldn’t pigeonhole ourselves by forcing the issue. I think Matt Patricia the Pats D-coordinator can be a great hire depending on who he’d bring in to run the offense. Also I’d be remiss not to mention Jim Bob Cooter’s name. Honestly, Jim Bob Cooter is Jim Bob Cooter. nuff said….  Cooter (hehehe)  

What should the Bears moves be this off-season

HBIC: Sign every single free agent WR available. Listen. We got the money. Kevin White is a bust. And Cam Meredith is rehabbing. This free agent class is nothing to brag about (Pryor, Watkins, and Wallace lead the names) but at this point you just gotta scoop up as much as possible and hope something sticks. I also think they look for some O-Line help as well. Defense seems pretty set right now with the exception of some added depth. But offense will be the main focus. 

Bologna: Sign a free agent receiver. Draft a receiver. Then draft another receiver. I’m not joking. That WR corps is trash.  They need to revamp that crew if they want Mitch to progress. Sammy Watkins might be an option in Free agency. I’d also like the Bears to take a look at Jarvis Landry. The knock on Landry is that he doesn’t catch anything past 8 yards. But that’s just the kind of safety blanket Mitch needs in his second year. Someone that can bail him out of trouble like Cohen did as a RB this year. Stick Landry in the slot and pepper teams to death 6 yards at a time.  

Does this Bears team make significant improvements in 2018?

HBIC: YES! Pace is gonna get his offensive minded coach. Mitch is gonna make a big jump. And the Bears will have some WRs to throw to. The Bears also have a pretty soft schedule this year. I expect that they can win 8 or 9 games and be in the hunt for a wild card. But none of that will matter if they cant beat anyone in their division. 

Bologna: I mean, I want to say it all depends on the coaching hire. But anything will be better than this season. With a full off-season for Trubisky to progress. Some key additions and players returning from injury, I really think The Bears can take some big strides next season. I’m not ready to say playoffs just yet. Especially in a coaches 1st season. But I’d be very happy with a 7 or 8 win season… I’d take some 8-8 bullshit in a heartbeat… just not with Jeff Fisher at the helm. 


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