Book It! WWE SummerSlam Predictions and Analysis

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WWE’s biggest event of the summer is this Sunday! Time for the Bums to break down how we think the top matches should be booked

Brock Lesnar vs The Undertaker

In the match dubbed “To Big for Wrestlemania”, The Beast Incarnate and the Deadman face off in the most anticipated rematch in WWE History. 2 years ago, BROCK Lesnar was the one to finally beat the Undertaker’s undefeated at Wrestlemania streak to become the 1 in 21-1. Now The Undertaker goes to even the score.

HBIC: The WWE spent the last year and a half building up Brock to be this unstoppable beast! And the last few weeks on Raw, Taker has smashed him. What I think and want to happen – Brock wins round 2. And Taker goes on to face Sting at WM 32.

Bologna: What I think will happen- Taker wins to set up the big rubber match. BOOORING!!!!!!!

What I want to happen- Brock wins cleanly and suplexes Taker straight into retirement. That or a Sting run in to set up Taker vs Sting at Wrestlemania 32.

Seth Rollins vs John Cena in a champion vs champion winner takes all match

The United States Champion John Cena goes Title vs Titles against the undisputed WWE Heavyweight Champion Seth Rollins.

HBIC: What I want to happen: I swear to Christ, if Cena wins and ties Ric Flair’s record of 16 time Champion I’m gonna get pissed. No one over the age of 10 wants to see Cena win again. Its been done over and over and over again. We need the youth to carry the torch now. Rollins is the perfect heel champion. Unless he is losing to Brock or Cesaro or Kevin Owens then he needs to keep the belt. Having him be both the heavyweight and US Champ doesn’t really make any sense.

What I think will happen. Rollins beats Cena clean. Sheamus then comes in to Cash his Money in the Bank and beats Rollins for the Heavyweight title, leaving Rollins with the lesser US Title belt, setting up a number of different options for Night of Champions.

Bologna: What I think will happen- I have no fucking idea. If Cena wins then Vince McMahon really is clueless and has lost touch on what the fans really want. On the other hand If Rollins wins it makes no sense for him to leave with the United States Championship. He’s already the World Heavyweight champion, what does he need an inferior title for? But I guess gun to my head I’m betting on a Cena win.

What I want to happen- Rollins win. Oh and also I want Rollins to break Cena’s nose again.

Ryback vs The Miz vs The Big Show for the Intercontinental Title

HBIC: This match has been one of the worst hyped or promoted matches ever for the IC Title. Having Ryback injured hurt building up the match. Honestly I might go make a sammich during the match. I really could give two shits. All three are boring to watch and The Miz is only one with some decent mic skills and he’s been getting buried on the cards. I think Ryback will win. But could care less if anything other outcome happened. The WWE still doesn’t know how to actively promote the IC Title to make it the number two title in WWE. Until they do, all these matches will suck.

Bologna: Daniel Bryan has been really laying it on thick putting Ryback over in promos the last few weeks. The big guy is just coming back from injury and never really got going as champ. I think Ryback wins and sets up Ryback Vs Bryan whenever the hell Bryan comes back.

The Wyatt Family vs Dean Ambrose & Roman Reigns

HBIC: This match might be the other contender for Match of the Night. Ambrose and Wyatt will put on some good wrestling. Reigns will do his 5 moves of doom and get lots of near falls. In the end I see Erick Rowan coming back and causing Ambrose and Reigns to lose..

Bologna: This fight will be entertaining no matter what the outcome. I don’t care who wins as long as either Ambrose or Reigns turn on each other or Bray Wyatt introduces a new 3rd member of the Wyatt family one that’s not named Rowan. MMMM, NOW THAT”S GOOD BOOKING

Kevin Owens vs Cesaro

HBIC: Kevin Owens is by far my new favorite WWE Superstar. He’s got it all. Mic skills. In-ring ability. And you want to see Fight Owens Fight! Cesaro has really been putting on some stellar matches the past two months. Both are going to put on a Match of the Night honors. Expect a slobberknocker with lots of near falls, kick outs, and unorthodox moves. THIS IS AWESOME will be chanted throughout the match. The only thing that sucks is both guys need a win to move them towards the title. Seeing how the WWE has been burying Owens on the mid-card since losing the US Title match to Cena, I expect Cesaro to win and continue his momentum.

Bologna:  I’m already awarding this match of the night honors. In a perfect world these two guys would be getting pushed to the moon. Cesaro right now is red hot with the fans so I’m leaning Cesaro wins.

Team Bella vs Team BAD vs Team PCB

HBIC: I really can’t stand seeing Nikki Bella as champ. She sucks on the mic and is no where near as good a wrestler as any of the new divas. Plus I don’t want her breaking AJ Lee’s record for longest title reign. Expect the new divas to put on a show. But WWE seems to be pushing Sasha Banks so I expect Team BAD to win.

Bologna: I really can’t stand seeing Nikki Bella as champ. She sucks on the mic and is no where near as good a wrestler as any of the new divas. Plus I don’t want her breaking AJ Lee’s record for longest title reign. Expect the new divas to put on a show. But WWE seems to be pushing Charlotte so I expect Team PCB to win… see what I did there?

Stardust & King Barrett vs Neville & Stephen Amell

HBIC: I turn the channel when Stardust in on. King Barrett doesn’t get the push he deserves and now is forced into a gimmick match that is probably gonna be on the lower end of the card. Neville is entertaining but needs a push. And I don’t know what to make of Amell. Im a Marvel guy (Unless you’re Batman) and never seen the show. But rarely do celebs lose these type of gimmick matches. Look for some kinda cringe worthy finish.

Bologna: Celebrities have a long history of matches in the wrestling. Some of them work ( Dennis Rodman, MR. T) and some of them fall flat on their face (Snooki, Jay Leno) my guess is that this one falls somewhere in between. But regardless of the star power or in ring ability the only constant is that the celebrity always wins. I got the Red & Green arrow winning.

Prime Time Players vs The New Day vs The Lucha Dragons vs Los Matadores

HBIC: The WWE Tag Team division is God awful. Prime Time Players don’t excite me. I couldn’t stand any members of the New Day when they wrestled as singles so why the fuck would I care now. I think the Lucha Dragons and Los Matadores are entertaining to watch because they put on some high flying moves. Unfortunately you can’t put em on the mic cause as soon as they open their mouths Donald Trump will want to deport em. And frankly thats 40% of the WWE tag team division. Look for PTP to win.

Bologna: I’m a simple man with simple likes. Simple things make me laugh. With that being said the fact that The New Day have been incorporating some 2 Live Crew and chanting “HEYYYYYYY I WANT SOME NEW DAY”  is all I need for me to want and predict a New Day win.

Randy Orton vs Sheamus

HBIC: The least hyped match on the card. Vince was like,  “Hey lets make these two fight.” It will probably be the first match on the card, cause frankly, no one wants to see Sheamus wrestler. Fans will probably still be getting their first beer during this match. Its a beer match. Plain and simple. You will come back just in time to see an RKO off the top rope/apron/announce table and Orton will win.

Bologna: R.K.O. OUTTA NOWHERE! That’s all everyone ever wants. I need Randy to RKO that pale, pasty, weird looking motherfucker into bolivian. The fact that Sheamus is carrying the Money in the Bank briefcase is a joke. Another example of McMahon not having a feel for his audience.

Dolph Ziggler vs Rusev

HBIC: This match is more about the big titty blondes than about the big titty Russian. #ManBoobs? If the IC title match is my sammich match, then this is my bathroom break match. Look for one of the girls to distract Ziggler and for Rusev to win.

Bologna:  No offence to Ziggler & Rusev, they are two of the best workers in the company. This match should be a good one. But if I’m being honest this match should serve as the appetizer to the main course that is Lana vs Summer Rae… I can’t believe I just typed that.

 

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